Im dreaming of a white Christmas..

So its now christmas day and things arent any better than last year.

Arguing with the person who is my girl friend to the point that I lay in bed crying, wishing that I'd never been? I often wonder why? WHY IS IT THAT I HAVE TO TEACH MY GIRL FRIENDS TO BE GIRL FRIENDS !? Why can they not just be what Ive asked them to be.. All I ever wanted was for them to be themselves, even when I myself am lost.

Merry Christmas guys x

Daydreaming.

I lose myself time to time allowing my mind to go into the place I mentioned in my last post. The truth is not that I am mentally unstable or depressed but rather just open to all things that surround me. I actually quite hate myself at the moment. People will always tell me the same thing and the same thing and the same thing.

Im so lost. I am so confused. I need Jesus but Jesus don't need me.

Im but a pawn and a pawn pawn pawn pawn. God rescue me please. Someone please - the world I see is to distant. Someone help me stand.

Haircuts

I find them very interesting.

You know Ive been quite false in respects to myself in the past months, Ive come to believe in something that wasnt quite something I have ever agreed with and that itself was my belief in whom Jesus was I feel as if I had forgotten the reason, the sole reason for my existence. I know only SParky reads this but for that in itself Im so grateful for, which would lead me to the truth in which I have mistake my Christ, my faith. And that is friendship.

See I've always had an obscure sense of loyalty which is based on principle of circumstance and to my great dismay no-one I have met has kept to the loyalty I hold in hope on which I base my realtionships on which I guess is pretty sad really. But over the course of my life I can only re-call about 13 friends which to this day I will never lose heart for. That being said Im not the best friend nor the one based on principle of circumstance, Infact quite the opposite. Im like a wind that blows once and tend to lose itself within another breeze.

I struggle with never feeling wanted ( dont worry I know im needed ) - This is why sometimes I tend to hide within myself and feel corruption take place into where my mind finds shelter under the wing of God, but within this space I tend to find myself wandering alone a ancient road on which few have walked and yet in this space I feel at home as the gaze I attract is that not of the angelic host but rather the demonic, I feel at home amongst sin. I recognise this as the reason behind Satans name as the liar that he is. But nonetheless I feel home. Its in the blackness that I cling onto the abyss in which I hope one day to awaken from by friendly faces, although that will never happen as none of my friends have the understanding onto that which I desire, and that is to be at home amongst them.

There was once a time when 2 of my brothers visited me and prepared me for battle and when thinking of this I am driving to tears in relief knowing that the road I walk may only be mine to walk but at any time I have only to reach out to be caught. I have questionable motives with good intentions but not always the right act of carrying through the purpose onto which to act as the intent is not always the good.

God if you're reading this, come visit me again mandem!

Wouldnt mind some prayer folks! ( yes that means u DJ <3>

The guy who no-one will remember but never forget!

- Mitch