I want war.

I will stand my ground, Alone! I've seen this place before and I said I wont do this anymore.. But you want war?

I hate being made the reason, I hate being more disgusted with myself than what you could have ever come up against me with. I refuse to let go of who I am and who I will be, You say I lie to myself about this? hahahahahahah, NO-ONE KNOWS ME and NEVER WILL KNOW ME.

For to long have I sat here broken, I will meet you and I will fucking end you.

What it is about the fire?

Its hiding something, Just like people do.. Sometimes you have to get close to see whats inside and sometimes.. you have to get burnt to see the truth..

~cmn its play time~

I'm dying.

I'm weak.

Time to get stronger?

Lost them all.. Never happening again.

Wasting half the day, Living half the night!

Moved too and beyond, Only time will tell! Only God can guide, In him I trust.

Makes you wanna cry.

Die n fly.

So.. I was ill ( my lungs again ), the coughing then popped a disk out and bang I had a slipped disk and I have been on my back for the better part of a month, I have also discovered that I have Manic Depression yo!

A month of which has re-shaped the person I am, I spoke once of being a butterfly in waiting, A ugly duckling eh? I'm faced with yesterday and It's all gravy now, Tomorrow will come in its own time, God's hammered in patients ( I think I get it now ).

I have been oh so disappointed with people though, oOoh So diSsaPointed!!

I needed support, My life changed and I was left alone in the hour at which I lay down my arms and prayed in hope, I expected more than this.. from "you" and from God.. God I do know will satisfy, "you" on the other hand.. Well you can fuck off!

Kitty cats making me rage!

This here will be the most important post that I have posted to date. I have been torn apart and left to the wolves of the mind to eat at me, Prometheus at best, I have an fate to attend too. For to long have I fought alone on these open planes for to long have others been oblivious to the plight of our generation, My voice being stripped from my being. They came for lungs first, trying to keep my quiet in a time when I had to praise, they never took my life but that was never the intended purpose. They came after my mind, driving me deep into an abyss only few have entered, I stood alone before him and rejected his non-authority. Now they have come to cripple my body in the atempt to have me forsake the faith I hold dear.

I am slipping into the blackness, Mania fused with apathy riddles my mind the only had been sanctuary from the pain. I feel slightly regressive, breaking out of my shell to spread my wings and fly. To what though would be the question but this will all be answered soon I spose. To all those who'm have disappointed me understand this depending on who I chose to be I will fuck you up. I will bare the mark of redemption and you're doubting spirit will be broken and you will seek forgiveness that you will not see light of, I will break you and personally feed you to the wolves, that or I could forgive, lets see what God would have of me.

XXX

I went to Amsterdam, it was something I regret but something I don't. It was a city that made my fire burn, A city that challenged every moral every principle I had come to value, It was in Amsterdam I realized how I'd given up and how I had lost my will to strive..

I don't think people have noticed that for a long time I have been alot weaker in all regards, I dont know why.. But each day is becoming more of a struggle mentally due to my lungs passing. I seriously feel I have lost the will to live entirely.

The person I am Is not the person I am.
narwhalyo : dont presume to know
narwhalyo : make sure to know
narwhalyo : it is our business to know
narwhalyo : you know?


I know. I want to fight. God I want to fight again I cry for the sword and shield and the thunderous fields on which battles lay waiting, so tempting that I lick my lips in anticipation, But I can't move. This time last year I lost a fight, a pretty big one, I believe I have have spent the year re-gaining everything I had lost in that defeat. As the battle was lost the war will be won, I mean I have won through Christ?

I wanted to question loyalty: I don't think the "british" ( I use this word to describe the people I know as "british" not the entire nation) have this principle, they're lack of it has made me come to a few realizations, Friendships arent real here, Depression is not real here and love is not real here.

I don't know, I'm just that guy who talks shit right?

I think I've lost love.

Names Mitch.

Drum.

drum drum drum