Im dreaming of a white Christmas..

So its now christmas day and things arent any better than last year.

Arguing with the person who is my girl friend to the point that I lay in bed crying, wishing that I'd never been? I often wonder why? WHY IS IT THAT I HAVE TO TEACH MY GIRL FRIENDS TO BE GIRL FRIENDS !? Why can they not just be what Ive asked them to be.. All I ever wanted was for them to be themselves, even when I myself am lost.

Merry Christmas guys x

Daydreaming.

I lose myself time to time allowing my mind to go into the place I mentioned in my last post. The truth is not that I am mentally unstable or depressed but rather just open to all things that surround me. I actually quite hate myself at the moment. People will always tell me the same thing and the same thing and the same thing.

Im so lost. I am so confused. I need Jesus but Jesus don't need me.

Im but a pawn and a pawn pawn pawn pawn. God rescue me please. Someone please - the world I see is to distant. Someone help me stand.

Haircuts

I find them very interesting.

You know Ive been quite false in respects to myself in the past months, Ive come to believe in something that wasnt quite something I have ever agreed with and that itself was my belief in whom Jesus was I feel as if I had forgotten the reason, the sole reason for my existence. I know only SParky reads this but for that in itself Im so grateful for, which would lead me to the truth in which I have mistake my Christ, my faith. And that is friendship.

See I've always had an obscure sense of loyalty which is based on principle of circumstance and to my great dismay no-one I have met has kept to the loyalty I hold in hope on which I base my realtionships on which I guess is pretty sad really. But over the course of my life I can only re-call about 13 friends which to this day I will never lose heart for. That being said Im not the best friend nor the one based on principle of circumstance, Infact quite the opposite. Im like a wind that blows once and tend to lose itself within another breeze.

I struggle with never feeling wanted ( dont worry I know im needed ) - This is why sometimes I tend to hide within myself and feel corruption take place into where my mind finds shelter under the wing of God, but within this space I tend to find myself wandering alone a ancient road on which few have walked and yet in this space I feel at home as the gaze I attract is that not of the angelic host but rather the demonic, I feel at home amongst sin. I recognise this as the reason behind Satans name as the liar that he is. But nonetheless I feel home. Its in the blackness that I cling onto the abyss in which I hope one day to awaken from by friendly faces, although that will never happen as none of my friends have the understanding onto that which I desire, and that is to be at home amongst them.

There was once a time when 2 of my brothers visited me and prepared me for battle and when thinking of this I am driving to tears in relief knowing that the road I walk may only be mine to walk but at any time I have only to reach out to be caught. I have questionable motives with good intentions but not always the right act of carrying through the purpose onto which to act as the intent is not always the good.

God if you're reading this, come visit me again mandem!

Wouldnt mind some prayer folks! ( yes that means u DJ <3>

The guy who no-one will remember but never forget!

- Mitch

Day n Night

Mr rager yes?

Basically havent blogged in awhile because Ive been rather apathetic towards life, not living but alive. I want to free my mind really badly..

Its snowing though so thats cool right?

Struggling to find my place amongst the community I am in, I just dont have any peer's in regards to who I am. Everyone my age fits into a group.. Everyone except me. Sucks.

Babe, No one is to blame! As natural as the rain, here comes the flood again..

So many thoughts, images, tastes, smells and feels rush through me that I become over whelmed by the absolute density that life holds, its un-explainable how I feel in these moments and only those who have witnessed me going through this can grasp exactly what I am talking about.

I'm beginning to hate myself (again). But I think everyone comes and goes with the undeniable truth or rather lie that they are not what they should be, I really struggle with the conceptualization of the reality that is given me in periods where I begin to question my person. My life begins to re-birth in flame and as I implode on the basis of my truths or rather lie's life starts to personify in joyful song that I am who I want to be and who I am becoming, I believe this is due to the fact that I know Christ and all that is promised me.

I get really annoyed by stupidity. I recently encountered someone who would rather walk from Catford to Forest Hill than take a bus - From my understanding that is stupid beyond the point of stupidity. Worse for ware the child actually did fit my description of his acne faced persona, which is another thing I struggle deeply with, I hate myself for being able to tell a story from someone's face alone. I'm sick of my intellect or rather sick of it never being satisfied. ( No theology wont satisfy me, only God will ).

Another stupid thing I heard this week was that 70% of the worlds population are white, Who'da thought eh?

Help me.

Yours truly.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!

Seriously what the fucked happened? Where did everyone go?

Don't make me say this twice!!

A very odd week for myself, feeling serious exhausted, sometimes unable to even get out of bed in the mornings, various people have given me the obvious pointers as what to do but it just isint working. Yeah Struggling to sort my head out and what I want with what exactly to do etc..

Um yeah so nothings changed much, kinda waiting on a UFO to pop out n zap me up (:

inabit x

This right here, I swear will end to soon!

COME AT ME BRO!

Interesting week of development, damn boy Mitch has got this english thing down!! JA JA

Um basically nothing interesting ever really happens that I would consider interesting but everyone else does and its quite frankly boring to get the same "OMG" reaction to any and everything I say. Just really missing my friends at the moment and the girl friend, who is becoming more and more distant :(

But yeah its all be good, Just looking for a new crowd to roll down SE LONDON with init?

Muse breaks.

Um, An interesting start to the weekend and I can say God is good.

I am going through a process of, you know what I actually cba to explain lol

bye x

Identification

The winters rolling in and truth be told I'm looking forward to the sudden drop in mood to come with the change of season, Ive spent the last couple weeks in a very dark place, Struggling to wake up in the morning and continue living. Its not that I am depressed in anyway or form, I am just coming out of a season of emotional battle with myself and with the enemy, But am and always was victorious because of the blood spilt on that cross.

I have amazing friends, True NAKAMA to me and they are more than enough to calm the storm within my heart; My Girl friend too is one person that has an affect which clears the bay. I would honestly say that I am indebted to them all.

I start my english GCSE again this evening, and currently looking for employment but the steep side of the mountain is now behind me and a fine plateau lays before me and I will continue to walk un-questioning of the truth. I will see the end I will walk to the distance and hell I will have fun!

penetrate my space!

Finally got a job interview with "Home Fundraising" basically which would entail getting money door2door for a good cause, Which I think I would find very very very interesting!! The pays good and exactly what I need at the moment, Would like to save up to be able to get myself a portfolio for male modeling aswell as life guard training, and ofcourse to set up the much anticipated freedomformula forums!!!! Really excited as God has seriously opened up doors which I honestly thought would not, He is sooooo good bruah!

Regardless of this all I would like to note that the most exciting thing thats going to happen is that I will be see'ing my beautiful girl friend soon! Ahh man I actually can not wait like..

Anyway guys n gals, finally see you're using this blog to find out more about me init, So atleast this time my sign off will be meaningful to some extent I would hope!

Adious x

Do I look 16 to you?

Im 18.

Yes Im still within 5 years of age with you, But I have seen a hell of alot more of this world than you have, arrogant maybe, ignorant is something Im really not.

Id very much appreciate you accept that within the last month I have changed completely.

Way I Are.

They're called substitute people, You find them in the most un-canny situations where in which you can but be helped to use them as a means to complete and self discovering adventure. Thats what I used to think I was, A substitute person. People tend to linger around myself until something new comes along, And thats not because I am boring but simply because they're leeches.

But re-calling the true friends I have made over recent years I am so grateful to them. You guys have made my life so much more exciting. ( I know its hard to believe but TRUST me when I say I wake up smiling )

The weeks are short and the days long. So the mid-summer blues are set.

Things are getting better.

The things you want to explain.

Relations (Say Apollo had to break 'em)
Creation (It's a gift, a blessing)
Incarceration (What keeps you down)
Determination (What gets you out)
Equation (When they said you could make it)
Humiliation (What you feel when they say it)
Reincarnation (Say N-A-V)
Situation (Why we've got to sing)
Elation (So many in need)
Identification (Gives you the right to shoot)
Retaliation (What would it do)
Education (Gives you the right to do)
Inspiration (What pulls you through)
No substitution (Try to substitute)
Non-inclusion (Just got to bust through)
Drug infusion (For the chosen few)
Mass confusion (When they say that they died for you)
Delusion (Say that the dreams don't come true)
Solution (It can take a hold of you)
Conclusion
Inspiration (Is what pulls you through)

On a real.

Ight Im not trying to say anything hostile here but..

Im quite sick of people who are not grimey using swagger like they understand what it is. How often have you had a knife held to you? How often have you walked down a grafti'd walk way? How often do you put your hood up just to avoid attention from people? How often do you use safe and babes offline?

Just getting sick of these wannabe's.

Adachigaharas theme

Questioning existence is one of the most enjoyable past times I find myself passing up, As most people consider my once compulsive habit to be irrelevant and believed my time would be better spent else where in using the mind to be used in a useful using way. But yeah if it is so irrelevant then why do we do it so often? I have had an interesting couple months with people who have been deep enough for me to not get bored ( no offense intended to all those before them ) they have kept my amused and troubled regardless of situation and circumstance, Those people are all now leaving for either short or long periods of time. I pray that God will keep them as they embark on embracing the fullness that is awaiting them beyond the ever elusive september.

You know I find my own personal growth exceptional the last year, coming from a seriously un-healthy companionship to one run by passion faith and love. I was rebellious and hard headed not to long ago when my smirk would cripple the most intellectual of people. I find it somewhat funny when I think back to it. I realize I'm one of a kind comparable to similar others but not exactly them or even them to be or them past, I have led my own unique way of living my creation alone I have found the mentality to continue on this continuing creation, God is good. ( AMEN ) - Just a side note, A person was mentioned to be similar to my own understanding of always being correct, But after a simple comment this unknown yet recognizable idiot I feel compelled to call him a idiot. " But I saw that ending coming " - yeah cuse having 3 choices is the most difficult of things to deduce. ( This would better be explained in the movie 21 or for those against movies read on variables within math ). Sorry just had to slag him/her off on that one, My pride would rather have me not compared to someone who claims to know it all rather than someone knowing it all without stating the fact.

You know I seriously dislike poetry, Unless its there for no purpose then I would enjoy it I would presume. I'm starting to notice how inclined I am into writing so correctly, Damn.. Am I becoming comparable to Ben ? - C wut i did thur -

People call me a prick/dickhead and things and I fully understand but remember I live with this prick/dickhead all the time Im pretty sure I have it off worse. So STFUUUUU noobs.

Yeah.. Becky's leaving in a couple hours and I would rather not sleep. Well its a whatever..

So in abit and in awhile the summer has begun let it be a good one for all and one as we embark onto the new let the past not be forgotten but relished as light which was once distant becomes a beacon guiding you home to a place that is neither far or close but a little way down from nisa local where we became friends, lovers and nakama.

H8rs gna h8 x

Sunpride.

Yeahhhhh mayn I have girl friend person thing again. But this time she is awesome and this love machine wont work for anyone but her!!

This last week has been truly an experience , doing a couple days of outreach through Tnet ( cba explaining ) Got to get re-involved with old friends I had met and sadly forgotten, But had smiles all round. Also met and prayed for Kim Pearton, mother to late Nick Pearton. It broke and moved me into a new person, setting greater resolve and conviction. Got chatted up by a 45 year old gay man met a Ghanian christians looking for a church and cotching on sofa's yo~

one week until Becky leaves.. Im ok with it, God has set up a place for her else where and she will do wonderful and amazing things and become the person she is aspiring to be. But I will visit loads not gna lie! Her friends and family are caring and loving with again smiles all round, Was a pleasure to have met them and honored to have met her father. But Daymn I Dont Scrub Up Well I Need To Get Back Being CLEAN!

Have a good day all xx

Smaller God.

Is it so difficult to see the better side of me?

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned!!

God is good.

I dont feel like saying much else. But this weekend has been utterly amazing. - Friday spent the night at the pub with close friends and it was warming to see them. Saturday was beautiful and I watched my old youth worker who had put so much effort into my life get married, It was a true blessing and a steep learning curve on the idealism of "love". Tonight was just banging mayn!

Love you all and etc.. And yes im SOBER x

Gaye Gaye Gaye ooh Marvin.

Lets Get It On... BABY.

Wagwan - Literally translated as hello or "whats going on", has been a word that has confused a majority of my friends recently having the most random rationalization of the word being expressed. So whats going on guys? In all honesty I would love to know so please by all means drop me and email or comment (:

Nothing much to report since last reported other than I have begun to read books, Yes BOOKS!

Um just enjoying the sunshine playing LoL with Australians n shizz. Listening to Marvin Gaye alot, And just generally chilled. I have to watch what I say on this blog which is a shame. I wish I could be myself and not hold back but hey.. People from my church are known to gossip over things posted on the internet, Although in fairness it is apart of their current reality. Charlie Beer is home today which I cannot wait for.. Im reading the bible and WOOOW just finished a fast of meat for a week that was challenging yo~ Currently waiting to hear back from Lambeth College as into what I will be doing next year - PRAY WOULD BE AWESOME THANKS BAI - Kissed a girl and I liked it type thing you know.. Mamma raised you better than this son! SHUTUP ITS JUST A CATCH 22 + 2 - 5 and it is a one hell of a catch, Much like those fire fly catchers you see on TV. GO HOLLAND!! The words I had had for the church are coming to light and the break through needed has come, as 3 people have come to faith in the area we have set up our ministry. Oh Im getting rather frustrated ya know.. It aint like I've been doing this faith thing for 2 years.. oh wait.. SEE WHAT IM SAYING !?

Anyway Im Good My Friends Are Not So If You Would Kindly Pray For Them It Would Be SICKDIZZLE>

HOLLAND >

Mitch x

Last cigarette, Bitter wine and the early morning chorus.

Yeah, Went and had my last ciggy this weekend. This whole I'm quitting thing isint a new thing for me but hey I was able to quit WoW this narcotic addiction to nicotine will be nothing to over come. Spent most of the weekend with a few close friends,

many finishing their A2's and preparing for distant lands in the coming September and others

just looking for work to do over the summer. Hasnt been much to say other than this as it has

been a good ol week. On Saturday morning I held the world record on cs:s making me the

sadest person on the planet for just over 5 hours (: but what can you do bro?

Will leave you with this, Intend to type next week just in a rush right now (:

- Mitch

Celebrate don't wait to late!

You can't stop ahhhhh we're going to celebrate one more time!

The best song for all occasions I would say!

Truth is I run with a pack, My days of being a lone wolf have come to an end, I have found my home among the way ward leaders of different cliques that circulate around the world.

I am at peace with everything, Although needing some what more of my father in heaven. - It would be a pleasure to hear a response on this blog as again I will state that out of the majority of people who have started a blog I can say that I was the first :} Feeling re-born within Christ this weekend I have prepared myself to state this few things:

- I am a christian and am honored to be one

- I am a 5th generational christian

- I am a gamer with the most amazing compadre's yo~

- I love my church.

- My friends are my family.

I am a pirate yarrrRRRRRrrRR

peace xo

Tl;dr

So its basically exciting isint it?

I have come to this point in my life where I know what I want and I want it now.

Its been surprising personally to have come to the understanding that very few people who would be considered leaders among my peers no near nothing of me, This is actually set about a real sense of frustration as they are easy to speak with ignorance dripping from their words, This will and always manifested resentment within society. I ask alot of questions so not to be ignorant.

Truthfully I can say that I am Ok with who am I am in a greater sense. This calmness is due to the realization that who I am is nothing compared to who I am in christ.

A short rant, I will be posting another post this weekend - I have nothing much within the context of this post to add so..

Until tomorrow

Nostalgia

So yeah the world cup is finally being played out and I cant help but feel I'm missing out on something amazing. Sitting on my couch just isint how I would have wanted to spend my time watching the games, So I might be heading out to South Africa in the coming days.

So yeah, I was kicked out of Croydon College due to my own stupidity. This is not a new feeling by any means, I mean like... This point is the point at which I have come just short of what I had aimed for.

So yeah.. Running away to South Africa is the only escape left to me now, Maybe I will return less broken than I am now. Trying to put a brave face on and all but I honestly cant face the people who put their love,hope and trust in me. And even in gracious comforting I know deep down that I just blew my chance, My last chance. Nothing is ever going to come easy again. But hey thats how I've always learnt. Or maybe I am just not deserving.

So yeah. My faith is shaken. My resolve and conviction in God is questionable in the current flow of things. I've lost my fire. I am cold. How many of you can actually say you stare up at the ceiling and knowing the blood that runs through your veins is meant for so much more? Even more so knowing that you just need to reach out and take it. Maybe I enjoy the thought more than actually doing it, Im certainly not afraid of success or hard work, In actuality Im rather encouraged by a up hill struggle.

So yeah, My friends are all witness to the end of the year and where its taken them, I am honoured to have seen the paths they have all chosen to walk and will continue to support them in reaching their stars.

I know Im going to get there one day, I know Im going to rock your worlds, I know I cant die until I am ready too. So yeah.

Cure for the itch.

For all this, there is one thing you should know! I put my trust in you.

So I do this thing sometimes, this thing where I completely re-think everything that is not concrete with who I am at any specific time. The fundamental truth is that I have no truths in my life and have this urgency in creating them. Oh no I lied. I have 2 truths in which I believe. Those who know me should have a pretty good pre-understanding of what they are and for those who don't you clearly have to get to know me more or stop reading my blog (:

So yeah at this present time Im basing myself situationally to fully satisfy my desirable attitude towards life. God has given me blunt answers into what would keep me whole but the hunger I manage to pick up for the addictive nature of what keeps me full never seems to be dismissed and never complete in what I am searching for. I do not desire truth or love, hell I don't even measure freedom as my priority, I feel what I am after is a little out of my grasp as I have yet to fully understand the complete picture to it as it something that is always mentioned but seems evasive ( to me anyway ).

Damn I bet this has got you intrigued? Oh well :DD

I wonder how I'll manage the world Im going to be stepping out too in a few hours and how the world will re-act to a more idealistic version of the dreamer who will never stop until reality proves itself worthy.

But do not mistake me for one of those questioning teenagers for I have found the only truth worth finding through years of denial, more so think of me as a friend who refuses to accept societies logic and ways of deciphering sense as I see the world as a place in which the occupants have in denial reached their peak and pushed to reach a higher conclusion.

Try and have a good day with a smile creeping from point to point.

Just know that I am struggling and if you have continued to read until this point have become a friend which is certain to be challenged by those defiant, But let me re-assure your mind that you continued to read after I said don't unless you want to know me :P, But yeah I am struggling with wether I love my friends because of who they are or because they are human. ( possibly both cuse a few of dem are hot ) - Mitch (:

Drunks, Lovers, Sinners and Saints.

This next post is going to come across rather bias which would only leave any reader with the understanding that is an arrogant wall of text. However I today realized that as a person I've gone through some of the most un-wanted situations.

Ever grown up with a certain idealism? Or more so a defined dream in which you want to achieve before your time on this earth is done?, The dreams I've had have all been achieved and yes that sounds all very amazing. But my walk until this point was difficult and very very very challenging on myself and those around me. Thanks to my father in heaven I got there. Now in here lies my problem.. I have my dream but the struggle is now to protect the things I have gained, And I find myself slipping further away from my understanding of who I am just trying to protect them. Or rather myself in Christ. Who is like God?

Maybe one day I will understand by the road I walk.

But yeah, Im proud of what I've come through and no-one can hold me to ransom for that.

Mitch (:

The morning and evening star.

HOLLA

so its Jesse's birthday today, so man have a great one n thanks for teaching me a couple life lessons and explaining how 1+1=2.

This week has been something spectacular to say the least. Caught between a rock n a hard place.

Currently sitting here preparing myself for a day of complete coursework doing :D.

Started the week showing a friend the non tourist side of London which brought back my passion for being the man I'd always wanted to be. My faith has increased recently with season of down time I've felt that I can keep consistent with my faith and always have that urge to want God around even when I have enough. Actually God spoke to me and said something along those lines.

Went to the big church day out UK and faced my own cross head on, not alone though had my dear friends n Christ with me and have over come them. Um yeah naught much more to say that wouldnt give away to much as I do like being mysterious :)

Um yeah have a great half-term y'all n catch you all when ya back n kicking. GET REFRESSHEDED.

- Mitch

BTEC TROLOLOLOLOLOL!!

" One night doesnt make the rest of my life "

Is what i woke up to this morning, I must say i disagree completely with that quote.

Last night God has shown me how faithful he is to those who follow him. After a few years of waiting my militant christian side finally found itself in a place where the presence of the enemy was overwhelming, Breaking strong holds coming out of hiding it was a great honor to be apart of the work the lord is doing here in Sydenham and certainly a honor to see my dreams come to light.

We are on the move to claim what is rightfully the lords so watch out ;)

Explanations to why I have come across so hostile this last week; basically I have manic depressive times in my life, so far to my own knowledge im not bi-polar but will be being tested as soon as possible. Ive gone through a period of un-matched pressure and stress, and not being able to handle it as well as i thought i could i ended up hurting a few friends and myself. And for this I would like to make a open apology to everyone I have offended, But I will continue to say that in all seriousness the things said where not lies, and really hope that your eyes open to what I have said. - Your words opened mine.

College is going well, they fully understand my awkward situation and have offered me a way to achieve the year with a smile on my face. lets get this work started :DD

To all who are leaving in the coming weeks for UNI and other things I just wanted to say you will never be forgotten but sorely missed.

Love y'all x

People;

Alright, Its taken me near 2 weeks to finally be able to word this correctly so here it comes;

Im under alot of self induced pressure to achieve to be able to protect and to love.

Education has never been my forte, Everyone who knows me specifically in this area will know that I learn quickly but do so to quickly. Im facing the biggest challenge in my life this week and no-one other than God is capable of aiding me in this. My "superior intellect" means nothing this is a case of obedience and capability.

Over this is the simple yet another thing that has seemingly avoided me through my entire life, This is going to be stupid sounding but, I have never truly found a stable group of friends who I can mature with side by side. Ive always been one step ahead or two behind. My currect circulation of friends are a bunch of wet blankets to say bluntly. I have this ability to attract people to me and people are intrigued by this and so become my friends. However my friends will NEVER EVER truly befriend each other. I have friends aging from 11-29 within this group which in terms of "grouping" makes it difficult but I can clearly see family within them. I lie to myself saying " Mitch You will always have this group to come back too", The truth is far from this. They can hardly keep in contact with each other and become dependent on me to do so. So there you have it, Im the guy who truly has the friends ive always wanted but am truly alone in the group. it makes me think depressing and sad thoughts. If i where to get into trouble they would all turn up 1 by 1 and never as a group to protect what we treasure as a collective.

So fighting my biggest battle with dickheads behind me, no wonder i keep falling eh? not playing the blame game I know I could do more, but if you guys would actually put aside your arrogance in WHO you are then step up or stand aside. Thanks guys. Your dependency is driving me insane. Go pray or something. and what i mean by "chill" is to chill together, But this is an evasive concept isint it?

In Gods mercy I will fight this battle and I will stand resolute in the fact in God I will over come all mountains that lay before me.

Bring your battles, My wars already won.

Starting Again.

Born into the freedom of a nation yo.

Basically since last i posted i have been physically unable to produce anything other than blood n flem.

But im back now n im back good.

I have the blood of the East and West I have the South as home and North as home.

Man God is good n im not running backwards. I was born to fight.

Also to all my friends. ( yes anyone who reads this )

- Would you please understand that word. FRIEND.

Stop spouting stupid nonsense.

Im not trying to be the judge n say whats right or wrong BUT what your saying is not correct in any context.

off to college x

Final destination;

Your a disgrace you lied to my face, the truth be told i always knew but couldnt care less i had always loved you. I sit here now broken with a frown, like king i fell from a horse and lost my crown.

Anger at what you said it'd be better for me to be dead, This moment time i stand alone like before i knew what it was to be in that friendship zone. proud of who i am, was and to be you cant that from me never again will i make that mistake, i will forsake the vow we made that stupid manifesto was just another excuse to feel alive, have that drive.

alone again huh?

trust means nothing to other people. Give me more with friends with stronger conviction and resolve father.. I hate being alone in a crowded room.

Seriously SHUT THE FUCK UP. - My business is my own the truth will come to light but atleast have the respect to let me confess what I have done.

Want to know why im angry? Your consistent bull is what angers me. God has so much for you focus yourself onto that and leave me alone. Dont call me a friend if you wont treat me like one.

- Mitch :DD

yo!

HOLLA!

Father!

I must say Jesus is truly amazing.

Alright I have had the most eventful week of my life to date.

Lets start off from the beginning, Firstly I began the week really hostile n angry wanting to fight, drink and smoke alot of weed. ( I didn't ) It started on Saturday when I was asked to attend "Sound" hesitant I went anyway expecting a box out with God, Thats exactly what I got. Feeling furious by the situation I stormed out of the event where I ended up beating up a wall, bruised and weary I came home heavy hearted with the same question which ignited this entire fiasco, " You promised me that this was the time I would break through, You put me in place. Father why have you forsaken me? ".

Sunday came along and again I wasnt to keen on attending Church where a close friend was going to part take in the baptisms, trotting along with an all to fake smile I then took out my frustration by running around and kicking a ball as hard as possible. Still no answer from God.

Feeling more disappointed with myself I then attended a worship session with a few older members from the church. Where I thre my question out to God. " WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME " - Feeling really over come and empty I went to bed upset a second night.

Waking on the Monday I burst into tears with the sudden understanding of how broken I had become, shortly after my crying I opened up to what is one of my favorite bits of the bible. Only to be interrupted by a phone call at which I found out ( WAIT FOR IT ) that my place at Croydon college had never been withdrawn and that I was to start attending again. Within that period of time i turned my praises unto God who'm quickly replied " idiot Im always here ".

God has firmly stood with me and is opening some of the doors in which to enable my vision or my "dream" of being me.

Thats just one of the few things he has done this week.

So yep Im back at college and I have one month to complete 21 assignments (: - JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT. - please pray for me it would be a big help.

Have an amazing day guys xoxo

- Mitch

Democracy is something boys die for.

This week has been an odd one but satisfaction has not been a stranger to me during this time.

A young boy was beaten to death in the local area which has been excused as a gang fight. Growing up in the area I can only possibly say that this is not far from the truth but is not the entire truth, Gangs in this area don't beat on people within the same post code period. The truth is this boys face was one I've seen on the special occasion when walking around my local high street and down to the lower end of my town, although the last time is without question the last. I give my condolences to his family and to his recent girl friend, may they find peace in the near future.

I voted yesterday.

As the UK changes government I cant help but feel an anxiousness shroud the future of this country has wrapped itself in. Intrigued I feel this is the beginning of something amusing for myself as if I have prepared for this moment my whole life. Gods people are about to move and I for one will refuse to spectate what is about to happen.

Oh yeah thanks to a old friend alias SMiGGEH who has helped my first ever youtube video reach near 500 views. Although this doesnt excuse the fact that he is the biggest dickhead only second to his homosexual counterpart MT.

I should have a nobel peace prize man. I single handedly stopped 4/7chan members from leaving most of a gaming forum in tatters. People should really be aware of who they intend to laugh at before leaving insult.

Have a good one (: - Mitch, Oh yeah call me narwhal (:

Losing.

Ever felt like your lying to yourself ?, More so than to your closest people.

Ive recently lost senses to what exactly love might be, and frankly im trying to endure something i shouldnt be having too. Why do we shoot ourselves? - again think of it within context.

Alright basically a short post. More of a question, Watched a movie called the serious man with Charlie earlier this week. It revolved heavily around the question "why?" with the answer being "why not?"

So why not shoot ourselves.

Have a good one.

Love, God and Stuff.

Stuff is a beautiful word, I find it can pretty much kill any conversation within a second of it being introduced into the dialogue. Although contradictory to my previous statement I am going to base the majority of this post on the word "Stuff".

Alot of Stuff ( see what I just attempted ? ) has happened to me in recent events, a change of circumstance and situation has put me at odds with the world. Looking into the same world daily I am finding myself excluded but more in love with it. The sun has reappeared in all senses in this context. ( And in so leaving you to chose in which context ).

Leaving college has lifted a weight off of my shoulders, which now seems a mistake on my part, I understand that I will always be bored within education, But I needed the obedience and self control to pull through it. Which ofcourse I was unable to achieve within the 8 months there. But again the weight off my shoulders have given me a new perspective on everything. Again take this as you will.

I dont really feel as if I have much else to say..

Just seeking Gods heart, Living in his Joy and figuring this word love out.

Corinthians 13 says towards the end - " Love never looks back and never dies "

( This chapter has certainly brought clarity on what Love is, But then again im not really asking what it is but rather how too.. )

Hoping to spend as much time possible with my dear friends, Whom I seriously feel without.

Thanks for reading.

- Mitch xx

YO

HEY

KFC? shittttttttt.

Holla.

The last couple days have been an EMOtional experience. thats all i really wanted to say.

Although for all your dear readers I will sustain your need for further blissful reading, SO HERE IT COMES.

I actually love easter. The entirety of the season! I mean spring is in the air, Jesus actually owned it and EGGS THAT ARE CHOCOLATE. I mean chocolate eggs man.. CHOCOLATE EGGS.

Always found them quite entertaining, eggs in general. It struck me one day when i was juggling 3 eggs that they are somewhat similar to the trinity in respects to father son and holy spirit in a united combination of 3 in 1, Shell, Egg white, and yolk! which i always found had some extra depth because of the idea of the father being the shell in which we are protected the white being spirit which we feed on and lastly the easy yolk ( C WUT I DID THUR ) being Jesus in us, or rather our growth into becoming similar unto all 3 in heaven.

Altho.. i then noticed I had another two eggs in hand and got confused trying to explain the fateful situation!

But hey they are great with abit of lemon tabsco and toast! ofcourse with the cup of tea to make it sink all the better!

ALTHOUGH THE BEST THING ABOUT EASTER IS THE FACT CHARLIE IS HOME YOP!!

YES!! although Josh H is gone for a month :(((

and everyones on holiday... GAY

have i ever mentioned the kittens before? well I have 3 week old kittens and they are the most annoying lil creatures i have ever come across, they moan and poop and fight and meow and stuff. nasty~

Oh yeah i dropped out of college, looking for a J.O.B as you read this actually. PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME.

heres having hope!

Faith is better than any plan.

Mitch x

Sierra Leone

Western Africa has always seem'd like a dream to me, Never a place one would really be able to pin point an exact location, After being introduced to a song titled Sierra Leone, I couldnt help my curiosity into the country and the serious itch of wanting to gain more knowledge yo!

Instead of giving you the dense long hauled facts about the country, I am just going to say with bias that Sierra Leone has the best name for a capital city. PERIOD. I mean Freetown COMEON MAN that sounds so freaking awesome, a town for the free!! " hey lets go to Freetown " seriously would do my saturday (:

What really astonished me was the fact only around 6.7 million people inhabit the entirety of the country, thats near 1.4 million less than London alone. Although London doesnt quite have the same effect on me that the name Freetown does, Although London contains a unshakable faith in itself, I noticed it last night when walking to pick my brother up from our churches under 14 youth group, And it occur'd to me that London is BRIGHT, filled with people either walking or running. its a city with its own agenda which impacts the world to a frightening level of detail. I am indeed in gratitude the Lord see's it fit to have me witness the world in humanistic freedom called democracy.

Which I might add i got invited to Labour and am seriously considering the possible or rather impossible ways i could use this correctly.

Anyway have a great weekend people (:

Yours Truly and Forever - Mitch x

See'ing the world through bloodshot eyes.

Life has an remarkable way of causing circumstance in which we often find ourselves wanting more, I am in such circumstance! I want it all and I would like it now.

Obedience to God, Some would question that this is directly against my previous statement as it prohibits you from indulging yourself in certain idealist fantasies, however I would suggest that this is exactly the only way to fully achieve the need for something more than first presumed.

I find myself at a cross roads in my life, Im am more than likely getting kicked out of college due to my hanis efforts, But I would like to clarify that I CAN NOT DO ESSAY WORK as intellectual as I come across this is something I just cannot do.

I have recently been in deep contemplation of what my heart truly desires, I have yet to come to a definite conclusion but rather more questions, I feel that I above all things desire the heart of my father God, although this is where my problems begin, How? why? and when? would I go about achieving this? Similar to the understanding of wanting the heart of God my heart greatly desires to be in unshakable union with his. Along with this I feel as if the spark which set me off a year ago in terms of socialistic progression has re ignited, I find myself wanting to help others on a bigger scale than which the media so politically correct mediates. My passion has turned to the child soldiers across the african equator line up to the horn of africa itself. I will fill you in when I take this up.

Been chilling out with Bro's and Hoe's wanna give a big shout out to them as they are all deserving of my love and shall receive more than needed! YO!

Mia - You are a strong women, DO NOT BELIEVE THE LIE.

Speckle - You are weird, Cool Weird (:

Gerkin - It's spelt cricket.

Jimmy - Stop being a homo n accept it.

Beerboy - I MISS U MORE MAN.

to those ive missed out I still love you just in a rush as usual :D

chilling like a narwhal yo.

Peace xoxo

Raising the red flag.

The week was simplistic and boring.

Oh wait..

Um walked into college was told of the massive project I would have to spearhead similar to the global awareness campaign which previously had somewhat died down due to unfortunate circumstance! Damn that was a long sentence! So college is cool, catching up with the course-work slowly but surely. The turtle did win the race did he not?

oooh yeah recently saw Alice n Wonderland.. it was "ok" but by for all intensive purposes i would highly recommend going to see it, if you have previous knowledge to the story. ( Visually it is a masterpiece )

Um.. something encouraging to say..

YES!!

I was rather violently beaten up in the last couple days.. I have a couple bruised ribs.

oooooooooooooh a big BIG big thing has been the perfect understanding of Jesus Christ<3

( HE LOVES US REGARDLESS )

He is a awesome d00d.

Missing Charlie n Jesse. ( my homies )

Yh filling you, Catch y'all in a week (:

@ H4G

A quick apology for not posting last week.

Spent the weekend after my 18th with close friends, hitting south bank skate park with Jesse and Tristan and having a lil get together at my house spending the weekend in a drunken state, fun none the less. Got some amazing presents and valuable time with people i generally adore.

( A surprise visit by to friends from high school made the evening so much more enjoyable than initial thought, so a thanks to Mark & Harry for making it [: )


This weekend I found myself in Exeter visiting Charlie Beer, THE GREATEST MATE EVA ( BFL ) sharing his room with Niall, the 3 of us spent thursday night watching the most horrific movie where the plot revolved around this quote " You slept with your sister ", The Friday was spent having dinner at a pub, followed shortly by a trip to Charlie's employment, in where I had an extremely tasteful cocktail which tasted much to my surprise as a christmas pudding would, once having consumed the drink, Charlie and I where promt'd into a conversation about women and everything that entails the graphic yet terrible truth of companionship. No sooner had the conversation ended than where we both questioned by the campest man from peckham in which he led the group of 6 men into questioning Charlie and myself's sexuality.

" Are you guys gay?, You make a cute couple "
" No, no we are not. "

5 minutes later.

" Are you lying about being gay "
" No "
" Do you have a girlfriend? "
" Not anymore "
" awwww thats a shame ".

Leaving the Bar we headed down and around a corner into a qwerky roman looking courtward which was the venue of a pub/club. Arriving fashionably earlier than opening time. Once seated we spent a few minutes in discussion of life and how wallowing in selfishness can affect all those who care about us, a hour or so into the club Charlie and I attracted what seem'd to be a smurf with friends, ending up having a conversation about the most unethical things with this group of characters we had just met.

again sorry for the rush etc.. needed to get this out.

Be blessed and happy - Mitch

SHOUTOUT TO SEAN!!

The future eh?

Well well I'm now legally obligated to behave ( although much to my surprise It has been suggested I do otherwise ).

Waking up this morning was a odd experience to say the least, not feeling here or there but rather feeling complacent in the contentment, On this my 18th birthday. Tonight at exactly 9:55 (GMT) my mother has been in consistent teaching for 6575 days, 17 hours, 55 minutes, 27 seconds in which granting her first born knowledge similar to her own.

Finally having come to a understanding of what I would like to achieve through this blog, I will be writing a short and simple weekly summary on each weekend, To which I hope will add some insight into my odd yet simplistic life (:

What exactly has happened recently is as follows;

#1 I am VERY VERY behind on college work and have a meeting today at 13:00(GMT)

#2 I am a BTEC science student at Croydon College

#3 I have just come out of a relationship ( which lasted 11 months )

#4 I spent most of december with family in South Africa

#5 I am now 18.

Continue following me on this EPIC(ore) adventure as I embark into what seems a complete set of random yet destined carrying on's

Yours truly Mitch (: