Nostalgia

So yeah the world cup is finally being played out and I cant help but feel I'm missing out on something amazing. Sitting on my couch just isint how I would have wanted to spend my time watching the games, So I might be heading out to South Africa in the coming days.

So yeah, I was kicked out of Croydon College due to my own stupidity. This is not a new feeling by any means, I mean like... This point is the point at which I have come just short of what I had aimed for.

So yeah.. Running away to South Africa is the only escape left to me now, Maybe I will return less broken than I am now. Trying to put a brave face on and all but I honestly cant face the people who put their love,hope and trust in me. And even in gracious comforting I know deep down that I just blew my chance, My last chance. Nothing is ever going to come easy again. But hey thats how I've always learnt. Or maybe I am just not deserving.

So yeah. My faith is shaken. My resolve and conviction in God is questionable in the current flow of things. I've lost my fire. I am cold. How many of you can actually say you stare up at the ceiling and knowing the blood that runs through your veins is meant for so much more? Even more so knowing that you just need to reach out and take it. Maybe I enjoy the thought more than actually doing it, Im certainly not afraid of success or hard work, In actuality Im rather encouraged by a up hill struggle.

So yeah, My friends are all witness to the end of the year and where its taken them, I am honoured to have seen the paths they have all chosen to walk and will continue to support them in reaching their stars.

I know Im going to get there one day, I know Im going to rock your worlds, I know I cant die until I am ready too. So yeah.